I'm filling/feeling out this application sheet to live in my apt complex. Although I live in this apt currently, the management is requiring everyone to fill out a NEW AND IMPROVED application form- but they are kindly waiving the fee for all current residents. They had to reach deep down to find this kindness. I mean, I have had some WORDS with these people.
FOR EXAMPLE!! One time I asked them to change the burnt out light bulb in my front entry way. Well, APPARENTLY, that is NOT something they do. I explained to them that the problem was that that is not something I do, either. And you know what they did? THEY LAUGHED! Like I was joking! Pfft. I could see this was an official fight for dominance and I was not going to give up that easily. Since this struggle for power over my apt complex, I call at least once a week asking them to change the light bulb in the front entryway. Because of these weekly calls, 2 things have happened. 1) I learned that my apt complex does indeed have caller ID in their offices and 2) my calls are screened every time I call and I am required to leave desperate messages to a computer generated voice mail. My front entry way has been dark and grim for over 9 months now, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be the first one to give in.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE!! The HOT WATER handle on my sink unscrewed "itself" (I actually think that Samara from The Ring found me and is haunting my new apt now. BACK OFF SAMARA! BACK! OFF!) Well, I immediately panicked and called the apt complex (THANK GOD FOR WEEKEND HELP!) My name was not recognized on the caller ID and my call was answered. I explained that my apt was possibly haunted and as a result the handle on my sink was no longer attached to the sink.
She asked if there was a leak.
No.
She asked if it was actual handle or the "decorative" handle.
Well, I wouldn't call this decorative...
She asked if the part that fell off was white or metal.
White.
She explained that that was only the "decorative" part of the handle and that the hot water function of the sink did not need the "decorative" part to produce hot water.
But it's hideous.
She explained that she would send someone out sometime Monday to fix it for me.
OMG! WHAT?! Can't you send someone now?! It's UGLY!
She explained that she wouldn't use the word "ugly" and that they only did maintenance calls on the weekends for emergencies.
MY MOM'S COMING OVER (lie) AND SHE WILL THINK I LIVE IN A DUMP IF MY SINK IS FALLING APART LIKE THIS!
She told me that if I explained to my mom the difference between the "decorative" part of the sink and the "functional" part of the sink, my mom would understand that the sink is not falling apart.
BUT SHE WON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S NOT UGLY!
She explained it would be fixed Monday.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY MOM! YOU DON'T KNOW MY MOM!! SHE'S COMING TO-DAY! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
(This is my favorite part of the conversation)
She then tells me, and I quote, "Ma'am, the events of your life do not constitute an emergency."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Touche weekend help. You win this round.
Anyway, the application is asking for my height and weight! WTF? This makes me think they're trying to play a cruel joke on the short tubby girl in apt 123. Well, jokes on you apt managers! According to my NOTARIZED "NEW AND APPROVED" application, I'm 5'10'', 115lbs! OOOOOOOH, SNAP BITCHES!
Preacher loves you and the events that constitute your life.
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