I'm a little obsessed with this really great blog called "2 Birds, 1 Blog." Recently, they've been writing a lot about how awkward they were when they were in middle school. First, I have to ask, who the hell WASN'T awkward in middle school? Second, how in the hell do they remember so much that they can keep writing about it?
I have a hard time remembering who went to middle school with me. Shit, I can barely remember who I graduated high school with (oh shit! ending a sentence with a preposition. Middle school english teachers be damned!). But, as I was trying to conjure up some really awkward moments of my own to share, I thought of someone else's really awkward moment and found it much more amusing (probably because it happened to them...and not me).
When I was growing up, my hometown held an annual 4th of July celebration in the "downtown" area. It was so the shit. Carnies came in town and set up shop, various artists and vendors had booths to hawk their homemade, over-priced stuff and all of us 12-15 year olds finally had something to do every day. It was pure greatness. One year (I can't even remember which year it was...that is how bad my memory of middle school was), I get this call at home from this guy. We'll call him Schmody Schwhite. Schmody was a year older than I and had "dated" a friend of mine...well, at some point. Again, I don't remember. Prior to my friend and Schmody "going out," I had had a crush on him as well. But, in true "girl code" fashion, I got over it and let my friend have free reign. However, summer was here and you know what that does to school romances. Chops them dead. Anyway, Schmody calls and asks if I'm going to be at the festival that night. Duh, Schmody where else would I be but middle school mecca? He says that's great and that we need to hang out. Okay, Schmody, will do. The night comes, we meet up, we hang out (aka we walk around the festival for a solid 3 hours and do whatever we can to not spend the only 5 bucks we have for the next 3 weeks). But, he does a really stupid thing. He hands me a note he had written and then says the magic words "Don't read this until later...when I'm not around." HA! SCHMODY! You act as if we've never met.
Okay, I guess this is the time to explain my heavy obsession with the band No Doubt. It was the first band I saw in concert. It was the band in the photos that plastered my walls in my bedroom. It was the band whose logos I practiced drawing over and over until I had the ability to knock it out within minutes (and it be flawless). It was the band that my very first AIM account name was created for (NDfan327, what up!). To sum up, I LOVED No Doubt.
Back to the story. I immediately open up the note, while Schmody pleads with me to stop, and read it (luckily for him, to myself and NOT out loud). The note is deliberately written to include every song title from No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album. Oh, how I wish I still had that note...and had it framed. If only I had known how the 25 year old me would decide one day that THAT is the note that needed to be read at her wedding (even though I would be marrying some guy who, undoubtedly, will never meet this Schmody character)...if she ever gets married. Just imagine the dedication to include the words "Spiderwebs," "The Climb," and "You Can Do It" into a 6 sentence paragraph...and for it to actually make some kind of sense. Even more so, imagine a guy thinking it was actually a good idea to call a 13 year old, emotionally vulnerable, low self-esteemed, middle school female "just a girl." If that didn't steal my heart, I don't know what will. And, at the end of the note were the 6 words every teenage girl yearns to hear from...well, almost any boy: Will you go out with me? As I tried to hide my emotion from my face (that of horror, humor and humiliation - for him, of course), I merely looked at him, while several of our friends stood by, completely unaware of the silent conversation the two us were having, and shook my head no. In my version of the story, I could see his heart break right in front of me. I just made his own Tragic Kingdom. He should have seen it coming. He either had never listened to the words of each song on that album or he was too dense to understand. Either way, we clearly weren't meant to be.
He awkwardly said "okay" and turned around and ran.
But, don't fret. I'm fairly certain Schmody Schwhite is now happily married. Well, I don't really know about the happy part. We pretty much never spoke again. But, I think I saw on Facebook that he's married.
Call me, love me, miss me.
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